October 7, 2009
I have felt probably every emotion under the sun the past 24 hours. I’m sure its just another way culture shock manifests itself but I feel like I need to recap it all for those of you who find my emotions interesting… or atleast I bother you enough to read my blog that you feel it is necessary to stay updated ;-)
Yesterday, I felt lost and pondered for the first time what it would be like to come home early. Before you fret please know that I only thought about it. As I think about it I feel like it would be worse to leave this organization then to bite the bullet and get through the next year. I’m still getting used to the fact that I’m not in college anymore. That means a whole lot of change even if I wasn’t in another country. Ok so because I have been feeling a little bit down, I find it hard to find things to write about. I guess it’s a coping mechanism.
Today I woke up in a pretty foul mood, just trying to cope. Anyway, once I got to school I was asked to help out with Third grade because Erika hurt her back and wasn’t able to come in to school. I didn’t have lesson plans for her class so we played heads up seven up, an old favorite of mine, and then we made cards for Erika. I really do love these kids, and they love me. It is wonderful to be able to just have fun with them once in a while without pressure that they need to be learning something from me.
I made it through all my morning classes and after lunch I was asked to go to a meeting for Eduardo. (I wrote about him in an earlier post, he is the boy that has a learning disability). He has been behaving bad every once in a while and sometimes he puts the other children in danger. The parents don’t help much with the situation so we have had to keep track of everything he does. Today was the breaking point. Yesterday he stabbed me with his pencil randomly while I was in front of the class teaching. It didn’t hurt and he apologized right away, (he does not have control over the actions of his body) but I still had to report it. I gave him a long talk about how it could’ve been my eye and blah blah blah but then later in the day he did the same thing to a student who then started bleeding. So in order to protect itself the school had to meet with the parents today about expelling him. (of course this is after many many many incidents) They pulled him out of class today and kept him in the principals office. I sat with him every free period I had. We colored, played hide and seek, tic tac toe, and just talked. He drew me a picture of his family where his dad was hitting him. I just hate the fact that I am here in Honduras and can’t get this boy the help he really needs. We had an IEP meeting of sorts about him today. The focus was about whether we were going to ask him to leave our school, and near the end of the meeting, unable to stop myself I said what about this kids parents? They clearly hit him and Eduardo is afraid, what can we do about it? They looked at me with pity and said, in Spanish of course, this is not the United States; we can’t do anything about it. There are too many kids being hurt by their parents. I sat back took a deep breath and tried to relax. I felt so angry that we are going to leave this kid to be home alone with his father who beats him. So anyway, I don’t want to dwell on what I can’t change but it was wonderful to sit with him today. He is an absolutely great kid one on one. I will miss him.
Then I went to the home to tutor the girls. I always feel too tired to tutor and wish I didn’t have to go, but after getting there I always feel so happy for the friendship of the girls. We laugh and joke and get some homework done in between J I love the girls in the home! I have to remember every morning that I am here for their sake. I teach so that the school can raise money to make sure these girls have their needs met. I hope that I can remember that and I pray that everyday I will feel blessed to be able to be a part of such an amazing organization.